


Against the Wind

by contemplativepancakes



Series: Season 14 Codas [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14x20 coda, Established Relationship, M/M, Sort Of, dean and cas are both very stubborn, it takes place during the episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:05:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/contemplativepancakes/pseuds/contemplativepancakes
Summary: Dean is yelling at him. Again. Sam shuffles uncomfortably. Cas storms out and finds himself pacing in the library. He couldn’t go back to their room, not with all the reminders of Dean everywhere. Cas sighs. Why do they both have to be so stubborn? He can't back down, though. He's the not the one in the wrong, after all. Eventually, Dean finds him, and they have a talk that's long overdue.





	Against the Wind

Dean is yelling at him. Again. “He’s dangerous, Cas, and you knew it! You knew it for a long time, but that’s okay because you know why? Me and Sam, we’ve killed just about everything there is. And this, _Jack_? Well, we’ll find a way, because he’s just another monster.”

Sam shuffles uncomfortably, but Cas doesn’t pay him any mind. He’s had enough of Dean running so hot and cold lately. “You don’t mean that,” he says, giving Dean one last out.

“The hell I don’t,” Dean replies defiantly.

Cas brushes past him, making sure to clip Dean on the shoulder on his way by. He seethes.

 

He’s pacing in the library. He couldn’t go back to _their_ room, and he definitely wasn’t going back to his room with its barren walls. He considered going to the shooting range, or even the dungeon to sulk, but eventually he decides he’s going to sit here like nothing’s different. He’s not the one in the wrong, after all.

He sits there with a book in front of him, not absorbing anything, but Dean never makes an appearance. All of a sudden, Cas feels claustrophobic. He can’t stand to be underground anymore, so he heads out. And that’s when he finds Chuck.

 

Back at the bunker, after meeting back up with Sam and Dean, Cas’s mind races. “Then we throw him in the cage! We-”

Dean cuts him off, “Stop, Cas. You heard him. This is the only way.”

 _Maybe Dean would see another way if he wasn’t so determined to sacrifice himself, Cas thinks._ “And Billie said the only way to stop Michael was to lock you in a box!” he argues.

Chuck interjects with some complaints about Billie, but Cas isn’t paying attention. He just got Dean back. And he doubts the angels will welcome him back to heaven with open arms after he killed Dumah. If Dean dies, that’ll be the last time he ever sees him, and Cas can’t stand it. “There has to be another way,” he insists.

“Well, there’s not. I know you don’t like it, but I don’t really care because you just heard it from God himself that this is the only thing that can kill Jack. So either get on board, or walk away,” Dean says.

Cas stares at him for a beat in disbelief. He can’t believe Dean is making him choose between him and Jack. Actually, he can, after the bone headed move Dean pulled trying to lock Jack in the box. He turns on his heel and walks out of the room. He can feel Chuck’s eyes burning into his back the whole time.

 

Somehow, he ends up sitting on their bed, thinking about all the times he’s sat here with Dean. He leans back and thumps his head against the headboard. Is Dean really going to be so stubborn that he’ll go off on this suicide mission without saying goodbye to Cas? Cas sighs as he realizes the answer. He goes to find Dean.

 

He finds Dean staring ahead listlessly as he tilts his whiskey tumbler back and forth. “Dean,” he says softly.

“You walked away,” Dean slurs.

Cas sighs and puts two fingers on Dean’s forehead, clearing the alcohol from his blood. Dean sits up straighter. “What the hell did you do that for?” Dean asks without heat.

Cas sits down in the chair opposite from Dean. He shrugs. “If you’re really intent on doing this pig headed thing, I wanted to have a sober conversation with you first.”

“Cas,” Dean says, a little gentler, “I have to.”

“No, you don’t, Dean! I promised Kelly I would take care of him!”

“Yeah, and you’re really knocking it out of the park with that one, Cas.”

“At least I’m not just giving up on my _family_ ,” Cas hisses.

“That monster stopped being my family the day he killed my mom.”

Cas stands up and walks out of the room for a second time that day.

 

This time, Dean comes to him. Cas is lying under the covers on their bed staring at the cracks in the ceiling when there’s a knock on the door frame.

“Hey. Can I come in?” Dean asks.

“Are you here to yell at me some more?”

Dean sighs. “I don’t want to fight, Cas. I can’t go and do this thing if you’re mad at me.”

“Then don’t go,” Cas begs, “Dean, we can fix this.”

Dean walks forward and sits down on the bed. He puts a hand on Cas’s face. “I know you think we can, angel. I can’t sacrifice the world to take that chance, though. I know he’s like your kid, Cas. I hate this, too, I really do. But maybe we can just not talk about it? What about one last time, Cas?” Dean looks at him hopefully.

Cas sits up and pushes the covers off of him. He considers Dean. Dean reaches forward and wipes an errant tear from under Cas’s eye. “Takes a special guy to make an angel cry, huh?” Dean jokes.

Cas sucks in a breath. “I don’t want to lose you, Dean. Please don’t do this. I can’t lose you and Jack at the same time.”

“I have to,” Dean says, pressing a kiss against Cas’s forehead.

Dean noses his way down to Cas’s mouth. Cas moves his lips half heartedly. “What’s wrong?” Dean asks.

“Everything. I can’t do this if you’re just going to go kill yourself after,” Cas says, pushing Dean away.

Dean sets his mouth in a line. “I just want us to be okay. Grant my dying wish? You’ll come visit me in heaven, anyway, right?”

Cas doesn’t have the heart to tell him he’s never going to be able to get into heaven again, but at least Dean will probably never know any better once he’s locked in his memories. He’ll have Sam eventually, anyway. And on the brightside, with Dean dead, the odds that he’s going to end up going to the Empty are pretty slim. Maybe that’s worse, though. _It’s so odd. I had an eternity before Dean, and I was fine, but now faced with an eternity after him?_

“Hey,” Dean nudges him, breaking Cas out of his thoughts. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t make you do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I know, Dean,” Cas says, shooting him a bittersweet smile before leaning in.

He brings a hand around Dean’s head and kisses him deeply. Eventually, his shoulders are shaking too much, and Dean pulls away. “Please don’t cry. It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. You and Sam are going to look after each other, you hear?”

Dean gets up and walks out of the room, leaving Cas feeling more conflicted than before. Despite that, he knows what he has to do.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't just name this 14x20 coda this time, because it's not really a coda, so I had to actually think about the title. It's from Bob Seger. I thought the lyrics were pretty fitting. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my filled gap in the story (and honestly, guys, I was going to write you smut, but that is not where this went. And I didn't get mad about it unlike some people I could mention). Follow me on tumblr if you want! https://www.tumblr.com/blog/contemplativepancakes


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